Elves (1989) – Crazy Christmas chaos

It’s always hard to choose just which of the joyful and triumphant slew of holiday horrors to go for, but Elves is certainly a special one, even by those standards. First time filmmaker Jeff Mandel has stuffed all sorts of goodies into this bountiful stocking, like pervert delinquents, disturbingly dodgy animatronics, and Nazi grandpas. And that’s only just peeling the wrapping…

Silk (1986) – Smooth like shattered glass

“Don’t push your luck too far, Silk’s gonna get you no matter where you are.”  Any cop that has their own theme song must be pretty badarse. Our titular heroine is indeed all that – looking as cold as ice with her slicked-back hair and a fantastic selection of 80s fashion. There’s a minor disappointment in that the rest of the movie isn’t quite as slick or stylish, or easily comprehensible for that matter, but that’s just par for the course…

The Lawless Land (1988) – Post apocalypse road trip

Who doesn’t love a good, post apocalyptic road movie? This one might not be good by any stretch, but it is relatively entertaining, and features some pretty sweet locations. Shot in Chile, there’s a lot of dry and dusty desert to go along with this rather barren tale of forbidden love. Don’t worry, it still packs in enough outrageous and stupid moments – like nipple shocking, weird stripteases, and bad keyboard playing – to make it worth a watch…

Vampire Girl VS Frankenstein Girl (2009) – Delirious delight

This is a total riot, packing in all the expected visual and comedic goodness for a Japanese splatter film. You want feet monsters, bone samurai, and re-animated nurses? You got it. The wacky narrative leaves ample screen time for the titular characters and other bizarre creatures to battle, as blood actually rains…

Hollywood Cop (1987) – Kidnapping your senses

Here it is, the aptly named beginning of Amir Shervan’s legendary Hollywood period. There are shootouts, fistfights, terrible dialogue, painful acting, a tacky kidnapping plot, and some of the poorest quality production you’ll ever have the pleasure to witness. Hollywood Cop is a trash filled caper that runs in circles for most of its overly long duration, resplendent in all its dirt cheap glory…

Necromancer (1988) – Necromancing the stone

This is not the kind of typically silly, low budget, 80s Horror I expected it to be. To be fair, there is some neck stabbing, a seductive demon, and a friendly neighbourhood Satanist, yet that doesn’t quite satisfy. For the most part, Necromancer is a wild ride of relative banality and disappointment, with its focus firmly on the psychological. At least I assume that’s what it’s going for…

Mutant Hunt (1987) – Junkie robots get junked

Mutant Hunt is pure, kitschy, low budget Sci-fi, featuring a totally unoriginal story, soundtracked to cheap perfection, and packed full of woeful action. Everything from Blade Runner to The Terminator has been unashamedly copied and stuffed with an impressive amount of narrative offal. Oh, and for a movie filled with fight scenes, these are some of the worst you’ll ever see…